RBI Statement on ICICI Bank's Financial Position
There are reports in some sections of the media that based on rumours regarding the
financial strength of ICICI Bank, depositors are withdrawing cash at its ATMs and branches in
some locations.
It is clarified that the ICICI Bank has sufficient liquidity, including in its current account
with the Reserve Bank of India, to meet the requirements of its depositors. The Reserve Bank
of India is monitoring the developments and has arranged to provide adequate cash to ICICI
Bank to meet the demands of its customers at its branches/ ATMs.
The ICICI Bank and its subsidiary banks abroad are well capitalised.
Alpana Killawala
Chief General Manager
Press Release : 2008-2009/412
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
happy durgastami
It is believed that Goddess Durga on her 10 day journey around the earth removes all evil.......May Goddess Durga destroy all evil around you ,within you and fill your life with happiness and prosperity.
Monday, September 29, 2008
smart father in law and quality engineer
A Quality Engineer married an average girl…
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that
'YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET MY REQUIREMENTS'.
The smart father-in-law replies,
'WARRANTY EXPIRED.... MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'.....
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that
'YOUR PRODUCT DOES NOT MEET MY REQUIREMENTS'.
The smart father-in-law replies,
'WARRANTY EXPIRED.... MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'.....
wife from hell
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'
The wife smiles demurely and says 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the 2nd ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
'Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The wife says, 'Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt while you're driving.'
And as the police officer is writing out the 3rd ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
'Only when he's been drinking.’
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Appraisal Letter story
here was a contest in TCS comp. To write a fictional story for 500 words max which would start with the line "On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station "
This is what a guy wrote for the contest..... .. and surprisingly, it was judged the best short story! This being the appraisal season, you might want to have a peek in to this... :))
On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.
I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter...hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!! ! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind...... ... Splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "Wake up man! Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".
This is what a guy wrote for the contest..... .. and surprisingly, it was judged the best short story! This being the appraisal season, you might want to have a peek in to this... :))
On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.
I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!! My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.
While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter...hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!! ! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind...... ... Splash!!! Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "Wake up man! Come to meeting room number two. I have your appraisal letter ready".
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Birlasoft weekend recruitment drive
Refer a Friend
HYDERABAD WEEK END RECRUITMENT DRIVE
1 Java Technical leader - with Java, J2EE, Struts, Hibernate, SQL, PL/SQL 6 Years
2 Java Technical Lead - Java Struts EJB Design Pattern A3 6 Years
3 Java Struts Unix PL/SQL 2 Years
4 Java Struts Unix PL/SQL Open Lazlo 2 Years
5 Weblogic Administrator 2 Years
6 UNIX Scripting 2 Years
Please send the resumes to the referral@birlasoft.com – marking a copy to ramarao.kandhi@birlasoft.com with the Following details .
· Name & Employee ID
· Candidate Name
· Skills
· Experience
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Advice on Buying a flat in Nizampet road and bachupally
Advantages
------------
1.Nizampet road is near to hitech city ie 8-10 kms from hitech city.
2.Many big projects are coming like madhucon mega mall on main road,maytas hill county in bachupally,mostly one indu groups project and some ventures like sadguru vertex.
3.Rents will be high ie u can expect around 7k for a 2bhk.
4.Educational centres like vikas,vignan,gokaraju rangaraju institute,pharam college etc are near by.
5.If IT boom continues then Maytas will have 2 development centres inside matyas hill county.
6.A new metro railway station is coming near it.
7.A 100ft road is being laid
8.they are going to give manjira water.
9.Near to all private and govt buses to different places.
10. If rumors come true metro project may get extended put nizampet centre.
11.untill telangana comes the rates will be stable and if it comes rates may fall down still.
12.Rates are reduced very much once it was around 3000rs/sqft now u can get a good one for 2000rs/sqft.
Disadvantages
--------------
1.You can see many apartments coming without any plan ,no ventlaition etc.
2.If all apartments are completed in time then there will be more flats vacant
3.If IT losses its pace this road loses it shine.
4.dusty area as construction is going on.
5.it may become one more amerpet ..no good for family living.
6.The rates may come down if telangana comes.
7.No proper documents for some apartments constructed.
8.Far from secunderabad railway station.
9.Many builders are struck in the nizampet road,they are not able to sell.
10.Many apartments construction is getting delayed..some dont even deliver in the time they say.
11.if it rains heavily ..then water logging will be there.
12.In future ground water level may go down bcoz of many people constructing apartments.
My option:
If you get a good deal like 2000rs/sqft or below and if bank gives emi free offer till the apartement completes you can take it and see that it is near to matyas hill county or main road as inside the side roads apartemnts doesnt have proper space even for big cars to go.You can take the flat and rent it .
------------
1.Nizampet road is near to hitech city ie 8-10 kms from hitech city.
2.Many big projects are coming like madhucon mega mall on main road,maytas hill county in bachupally,mostly one indu groups project and some ventures like sadguru vertex.
3.Rents will be high ie u can expect around 7k for a 2bhk.
4.Educational centres like vikas,vignan,gokaraju rangaraju institute,pharam college etc are near by.
5.If IT boom continues then Maytas will have 2 development centres inside matyas hill county.
6.A new metro railway station is coming near it.
7.A 100ft road is being laid
8.they are going to give manjira water.
9.Near to all private and govt buses to different places.
10. If rumors come true metro project may get extended put nizampet centre.
11.untill telangana comes the rates will be stable and if it comes rates may fall down still.
12.Rates are reduced very much once it was around 3000rs/sqft now u can get a good one for 2000rs/sqft.
Disadvantages
--------------
1.You can see many apartments coming without any plan ,no ventlaition etc.
2.If all apartments are completed in time then there will be more flats vacant
3.If IT losses its pace this road loses it shine.
4.dusty area as construction is going on.
5.it may become one more amerpet ..no good for family living.
6.The rates may come down if telangana comes.
7.No proper documents for some apartments constructed.
8.Far from secunderabad railway station.
9.Many builders are struck in the nizampet road,they are not able to sell.
10.Many apartments construction is getting delayed..some dont even deliver in the time they say.
11.if it rains heavily ..then water logging will be there.
12.In future ground water level may go down bcoz of many people constructing apartments.
My option:
If you get a good deal like 2000rs/sqft or below and if bank gives emi free offer till the apartement completes you can take it and see that it is near to matyas hill county or main road as inside the side roads apartemnts doesnt have proper space even for big cars to go.You can take the flat and rent it .
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
satyam delays hike
Hyderabad: Satyam Computer Services Ltd, the country’s fourth largest software services firm by revenue, has delayed the payout of annual performance-based salary raises and expects the increases, when they happen, to be smaller than last year’s, as it attempts to ride out a slowdown in the information technology industry.
“Weak market conditions and the corresponding financial outlook is the main reason why things are getting delayed,” said S.V. Krishnan, head of human resources at Hyderabad-based Satyam.
The performance evaluation process, which used to start in April, was delayed and completed only by the first week of July. In previous years, employees had received performance-based raises along with their July pay cheque. Krishnan said the company expects to complete calculating salary increments only by the first week of September.
IT hurts: Satyam chairman B. Ramalinga Raju. ( Madhu Kapparath / Mint)The delay comes in the face of an anticipated slowdown in orders from the US, the biggest market for Indian software firms, where clients are tightening their IT budgets as they weather a credit crunch.
At Satyam, average hikes are expected to be about 11-12% for India-based employees compared with last years’ 16.5-18%, said Krishnan. While the company said it had managed to bring down the attrition rate to 12.6% in the three months to 30 June from 14.9% a year ago, it has slowed hiring as well. Satyam hired 651 employees, including 161 freshers, in the June quarter, its first of fiscal 2009, down from 2,716 (including 1,298 freshers) a year earlier.
Some Satyam employees said while they understand the implications of a weak market, they are unhappy that the management hadn’t kept them informed. “Basic courtesy would be to inform us about such delays,” a Satyam employee who has been with the firm for nearly 10 years said, wishing not to be named. “We were told to expect pay hikes on 14-15 August, and that (date) has already passed.”
Satyam didn’t respond to other questions from Mint. An emailed query hadn’t elicited a response till late Monday.
An analyst said it was unlikely Satyam’s move would increase attrition. “In uncertain times, attrition is normally under control and it has been stable in the past two-three quarters,” said Harit Shah, an equity analyst at Angel Broking Ltd.
Tata Consultancy Services Ltd announced a 10% salary hike for this fiscal, compared with 10-13% in the previous year, while Infosys Technologies Ltd offered a 11-13%increase against 12-15% a year ago. Wipro, which normally announces salary hikes forIndia-based employees in the September quarter, expects raises to be in the range of 8-9%.
“Moderation in wages has started ahead of the industry expectations,” said B.S. Murthy, head of Human Capital Consulting Pvt. Ltd, a Bangalore-based recruitment firm. “The industry was expecting wages to moderate with single- digit hikes in 2010 or 2011.”
Vishwanath Kulkarni contributed to this story.
report from : www.livemint.com
link :http://www.livemint.com/2008/08/19000710/Satyam-delays-hikes-payouts-t.html
“Weak market conditions and the corresponding financial outlook is the main reason why things are getting delayed,” said S.V. Krishnan, head of human resources at Hyderabad-based Satyam.
The performance evaluation process, which used to start in April, was delayed and completed only by the first week of July. In previous years, employees had received performance-based raises along with their July pay cheque. Krishnan said the company expects to complete calculating salary increments only by the first week of September.
IT hurts: Satyam chairman B. Ramalinga Raju. ( Madhu Kapparath / Mint)The delay comes in the face of an anticipated slowdown in orders from the US, the biggest market for Indian software firms, where clients are tightening their IT budgets as they weather a credit crunch.
At Satyam, average hikes are expected to be about 11-12% for India-based employees compared with last years’ 16.5-18%, said Krishnan. While the company said it had managed to bring down the attrition rate to 12.6% in the three months to 30 June from 14.9% a year ago, it has slowed hiring as well. Satyam hired 651 employees, including 161 freshers, in the June quarter, its first of fiscal 2009, down from 2,716 (including 1,298 freshers) a year earlier.
Some Satyam employees said while they understand the implications of a weak market, they are unhappy that the management hadn’t kept them informed. “Basic courtesy would be to inform us about such delays,” a Satyam employee who has been with the firm for nearly 10 years said, wishing not to be named. “We were told to expect pay hikes on 14-15 August, and that (date) has already passed.”
Satyam didn’t respond to other questions from Mint. An emailed query hadn’t elicited a response till late Monday.
An analyst said it was unlikely Satyam’s move would increase attrition. “In uncertain times, attrition is normally under control and it has been stable in the past two-three quarters,” said Harit Shah, an equity analyst at Angel Broking Ltd.
Tata Consultancy Services Ltd announced a 10% salary hike for this fiscal, compared with 10-13% in the previous year, while Infosys Technologies Ltd offered a 11-13%increase against 12-15% a year ago. Wipro, which normally announces salary hikes forIndia-based employees in the September quarter, expects raises to be in the range of 8-9%.
“Moderation in wages has started ahead of the industry expectations,” said B.S. Murthy, head of Human Capital Consulting Pvt. Ltd, a Bangalore-based recruitment firm. “The industry was expecting wages to moderate with single- digit hikes in 2010 or 2011.”
Vishwanath Kulkarni contributed to this story.
report from : www.livemint.com
link :http://www.livemint.com/2008/08/19000710/Satyam-delays-hikes-payouts-t.html
Telugu proverbs in english
All these are Telugu proverbs.
1) Education coming Mind going
2) Sitting, eating mountains melting
3) Marriage coming Vomiting Coming No Waiting
4) Aunty property son-in-law donating
5) Rameswaram going Saneswaram not leaving
6) Smiling lady crying gent don't believe
7) Hands' burning leaves catching
8) Ramayan hearing Rama sita a relation what
9) Jogi Jogi rubbing ash falling
10) Crow baby crow kiss
11) Gents salary ladies age don't ask
12) 100 lies tell do one marriage
13) For jaundice man all looks green
14) Village marriage dogs hurry
15) Reddy coming again starting
16) No wife, No stomach son's name somalingam
The best one
17) Having gone keeping also gone
1) Education coming Mind going
2) Sitting, eating mountains melting
3) Marriage coming Vomiting Coming No Waiting
4) Aunty property son-in-law donating
5) Rameswaram going Saneswaram not leaving
6) Smiling lady crying gent don't believe
7) Hands' burning leaves catching
8) Ramayan hearing Rama sita a relation what
9) Jogi Jogi rubbing ash falling
10) Crow baby crow kiss
11) Gents salary ladies age don't ask
12) 100 lies tell do one marriage
13) For jaundice man all looks green
14) Village marriage dogs hurry
15) Reddy coming again starting
16) No wife, No stomach son's name somalingam
The best one
17) Having gone keeping also gone
Monday, September 15, 2008
Big fall in indian market..
AS US markets collapsed and all the asian markets followed the US market.we can expect the sensex will lose around 800-1000 points today and it may close with loss of 600 points in bse
pick some good shares ..
pick some good shares ..
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Satyam to axe 4500 employees --- is it true?
15 Sep 2008, 0013 hrs IST, Debasmita Ghosh ,TNN | |
| HYDERABAD: Satyam Computers, which has just started giving pink slips to its employees, could potentially downsize its workforce by a whopping 4,500 employees. This translates to a little less than 9% of the 51,000 employees that the company employs. Company sources say 1,500 employees have been put under the performance improvement plan (PIP), euphemism for employees put on watch list and asked to shape up or ship out. Apart from this, 3,000 others have not been given any increment in the last appraisal cycle, thereby indicating that their services are dispensable. "This 1,500 plus 3,000 equals 4,500, which indicates the total number of persons who could be eased out of the company," the source said. On Friday, all employees received an e-mail from the company chief Ramalinga Raju warning them, especially the ones on the bench, to not bunk office and be in their best dress code, failing which they may face strict disciplinary action. Last week, some 400 employees from across different locations were given the pink slip. Sources also indicated that after getting the message many among the 3,000 have also started leaving jobs. But an estimate of the employees who have left is not known. A Satyam spokesperson said: "The bottom 5% of those who have got a bad appraisal are put under PIP and given dummy projects to prove themselves. If they fail they will be shown the door. But some of them marked for PIP said they have been given very little time to come up as winners." However, even as it downsizes, Satyam continues to hire new employees in thousands. Over 40% of them are fresh blood just passing out of college. The spectre of retrenchment is creating panic among employees of the company. "Of the 12 people working in my project, five were suddenly asked to resign, failing which, the company warned, it would fire us. Everything came without warning," said a techie pleading anonymity. | |
| | |
| Source : The Times of India link : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Business/Satyam_to_axe_4500_employees/articleshow/3483165.cms | |
almost married
Two old high school buddies get together at their class reunion. Having not seen each other for many years, the first guy asks, 'How have things been going?'
The second guy, speaking very slowly replied, 'I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.'
The first guy says in amazement, 'Hey, you don't stutter any more, that's great.'
The second guy replies, 'Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.'
The first guy congratulates him and then asks, 'What did you mean by you were almost married?'
'W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g s..t..a..r..t..e..d s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k, a..n..d s..o I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t a..f..t..e..r w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e. A..n..d t..h..e..n s..h..e s..l..a..p..p..e..d m..e a..n..d t..h..r..e..w t..h..e .r..i..n..g o..n t..h..e g..r..o..u..n..d.'
'Why would she do that? Wasn't she a romantic type?' asks the first guy.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Letter to bill gates from banta
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
Best regards,
Banta Singh
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?
Best regards,
Banta Singh
God gives u maximum
A NICE LESSON
Once a boy went to a shop with his mother.
The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...
But the child didnt take.
The shop keeper was surprised.. such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets...
Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear..Yet he didnt take...
The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the Mother asked the child...
Why didnt you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?..
Can you guess the response:
Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!
Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives...HE gives us more beyond our expectations. ..more than what we can hold..!!Keep Smiling..!
Once a boy went to a shop with his mother.
The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets and said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...
But the child didnt take.
The shop keeper was surprised.. such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets...
Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear..Yet he didnt take...
The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the Mother asked the child...
Why didnt you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?..
Can you guess the response:
Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!
Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives...HE gives us more beyond our expectations. ..more than what we can hold..!!Keep Smiling..!
How Female Sexual Arousal Works in scientifical way
The female sexual response is dependant on what goes on in the mind and body. Several systems in the body are involved including the nervous, endocrine or hormonal, cardiovascular, respiratory, and of course the reproductive system. There are five stages of arousal that are associated with physiological and psychological changes; desire, excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.
Stage 1: Desire
The first stage is desire, which stimulates sexual excitement and sexual activity. Desire occurs in our minds and bodies when responding sexually to a variety of stimuli including sight, sound, smell, touch, taste, movement, fantasy, and memory. These stimuli can create a strong wanting for sexual stimulation. Societal and cultural values influence the range of stimuli that provoke sexual desire, and ideals about the stimuli considered "sexual" or "attractive" can vary greatly between cultures and among subsets of a single culture. In addition, each individual reacts to sets of stimuli that are based on his or her own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Stage 2: Excitement
The second stage is excitement, which is the body's physical response to the stimuli during the desire phase. The excitement stage, for some women, may be achieved with very little physical or mental stimulation. However, other women may require significant intimacy, physical stimulation, or fantasy because it can take longer for them to achieve full arousal. Induced by emotional changes, the excitement stage typically includes: an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration; breasts increase in size and the nipples become erect; the vagina lengthens and widens; the clitoris swells and enlarges; the labia swell and separate; the vagina becomes lubricated; and the uterus rises slightly while the uterine and cervical glands secrete mucus to lubricate the vagina. With the increase of blood flow, a woman will experience heightened sensitivity as the vaginal swelling and lubrication occurs. Vaginal lubrication is the key indicator of sexual excitement.
Stage 3: Plateau
The third stage is called plateau. It is the highest moment of sexual excitement before the fourth stage, which is called orgasm. As long as physical or mental stimulation continues during full arousal, the plateau stage can be achieved. This stage can be achieved, lost, and regained several times without the occurrence of orgasm with the following physiological changes: heart rate and breathing rate further increase; blood pressure rises even more; muscle tension increases; the clitoris withdraws; the Bartholin's glands lubricate; the areolae around the nipples become larger; the labia continues to swell; the uterus tips to stand high in the abdomen; and the lower vagina swells, narrows and tightens.
Stage 4: Orgasm
The fourth stage is orgasm, which occurs at the peak of the plateau stage. At the moment of orgasm, the sexual tension that has been building throughout the body is released, and the body releases chemicals called endorphins, which causes a sense of well-being. The intensity of an orgasm(s) can vary among women and varies from one sexual experience to another. Orgasm may involve intense spasm and loss of awareness, or it may be signaled by as little as a sigh or subtle relaxation. Women are capable of having multiple orgasms, which means moving immediately from orgasm back into the plateau stage and back to the orgasm stage again. During this stage the heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure all reach their highest peak. Also, there is a loss of muscle control or spasms that involve synchronized contractions of the vaginal and abdominal muscles that, when released with endorphins, cause extremely intense pleasure. The uterus, vagina, anus, and other pelvic muscles contract five to twelve times at 0.8-second intervals.
Stage 5: Resolution
The final phase, after the orgasm stage, is called resolution. During this stage, the heart rate and blood pressure slow below normal but then return to normal soon afterward. As the blood flows away from the vagina, blood vessels dilate to drain the pelvic tissues. The breasts and areolae shrink in size and the nipples lose their erection. The clitoris resumes its position prior to arousal and shrinks slightly. The labia returns to normal size and position, the vagina relaxes, the cervix opens to help semen travel up into the uterus but then closes approximately 20 - 30 minutes after orgasm and the uterus lowers into the upper vagina region. As everything gets back to its pre-arousal state, there is a loss of muscle tension and an increase in relaxation and drowsiness.
Stage 1: Desire
The first stage is desire, which stimulates sexual excitement and sexual activity. Desire occurs in our minds and bodies when responding sexually to a variety of stimuli including sight, sound, smell, touch, taste, movement, fantasy, and memory. These stimuli can create a strong wanting for sexual stimulation. Societal and cultural values influence the range of stimuli that provoke sexual desire, and ideals about the stimuli considered "sexual" or "attractive" can vary greatly between cultures and among subsets of a single culture. In addition, each individual reacts to sets of stimuli that are based on his or her own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Stage 2: Excitement
The second stage is excitement, which is the body's physical response to the stimuli during the desire phase. The excitement stage, for some women, may be achieved with very little physical or mental stimulation. However, other women may require significant intimacy, physical stimulation, or fantasy because it can take longer for them to achieve full arousal. Induced by emotional changes, the excitement stage typically includes: an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration; breasts increase in size and the nipples become erect; the vagina lengthens and widens; the clitoris swells and enlarges; the labia swell and separate; the vagina becomes lubricated; and the uterus rises slightly while the uterine and cervical glands secrete mucus to lubricate the vagina. With the increase of blood flow, a woman will experience heightened sensitivity as the vaginal swelling and lubrication occurs. Vaginal lubrication is the key indicator of sexual excitement.
Stage 3: Plateau
The third stage is called plateau. It is the highest moment of sexual excitement before the fourth stage, which is called orgasm. As long as physical or mental stimulation continues during full arousal, the plateau stage can be achieved. This stage can be achieved, lost, and regained several times without the occurrence of orgasm with the following physiological changes: heart rate and breathing rate further increase; blood pressure rises even more; muscle tension increases; the clitoris withdraws; the Bartholin's glands lubricate; the areolae around the nipples become larger; the labia continues to swell; the uterus tips to stand high in the abdomen; and the lower vagina swells, narrows and tightens.
Stage 4: Orgasm
The fourth stage is orgasm, which occurs at the peak of the plateau stage. At the moment of orgasm, the sexual tension that has been building throughout the body is released, and the body releases chemicals called endorphins, which causes a sense of well-being. The intensity of an orgasm(s) can vary among women and varies from one sexual experience to another. Orgasm may involve intense spasm and loss of awareness, or it may be signaled by as little as a sigh or subtle relaxation. Women are capable of having multiple orgasms, which means moving immediately from orgasm back into the plateau stage and back to the orgasm stage again. During this stage the heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure all reach their highest peak. Also, there is a loss of muscle control or spasms that involve synchronized contractions of the vaginal and abdominal muscles that, when released with endorphins, cause extremely intense pleasure. The uterus, vagina, anus, and other pelvic muscles contract five to twelve times at 0.8-second intervals.
Stage 5: Resolution
The final phase, after the orgasm stage, is called resolution. During this stage, the heart rate and blood pressure slow below normal but then return to normal soon afterward. As the blood flows away from the vagina, blood vessels dilate to drain the pelvic tissues. The breasts and areolae shrink in size and the nipples lose their erection. The clitoris resumes its position prior to arousal and shrinks slightly. The labia returns to normal size and position, the vagina relaxes, the cervix opens to help semen travel up into the uterus but then closes approximately 20 - 30 minutes after orgasm and the uterus lowers into the upper vagina region. As everything gets back to its pre-arousal state, there is a loss of muscle tension and an increase in relaxation and drowsiness.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Intelligent Sardar
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use...
But we didn't use them', the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows,' sardarji complains again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have', the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies 'But we didn't use it'. The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check.
'But sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $100.' 'That's right,' says the sardarji,
'I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well,' the Sardarji replies, 'she was here, and you could have.'
Naughty SMS
Wife reads a book and tells her husband: A bull fucks 3000 times a year. U don't do quarter of that!
Husband says: Does d book say that d bull fucks d same cow?
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Gang of sardars broke a bank,
But instead of cash they found glasses of lassi.
Happily they drank lassi n left.
Next day's headlines:
But instead of cash they found glasses of lassi.
Happily they drank lassi n left.
Next day's headlines:
"SPERM BANK LOOTED".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *
Banta NE Suhag raat ko biwi se pucha: Kya tum VIRGIN ho?
Biwi: Ji, magar PEECHE se! Aur Tum?
Biwi: Ji, magar PEECHE se! Aur Tum?
Banta: Main bhi, magar aage se
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
VIRGIN AIRLINE's ad :
"TRY US"...
We are more experienced than our name suggests...! !"