Lucky Doctor

One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

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The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and hewas dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back"

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The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"

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He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

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The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.

The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

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"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor........



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All the messages below are just forwarded messages if some one feels hurt about it please add your comments we will remove the post.Host/author is not responsible for these posts.

DR.Banta

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go for touring, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going on tour tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes on tour and returns the following day and asks, "So,Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three
patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything
including her inners and lies down on the table and shouts :

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

Sahib - I put Gentamycin drops in her eyes!!!

Veternary Doctor...Students

First-year students at Texas A & M's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a real dead pig.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention…

Moral of the story:
Life is tough but it gets tougher when you are stupid

watching boobs is good for eyes

Result oriented man

Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

"I don't know, doc. She's awfully cold."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay."

He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I need a man..."

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me too

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...

This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always
died in the same bed and all on Sunday mornings at 11a.m, regardless of their
medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with
the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the
ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on next Sunday morning few
minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward
to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off
evil........

Just when the clock struck 11 am..

they saw something which left them zapped......

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Santa Singh, the part-time sweeper for Sunday, entered the ward and

Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!!

Time for sex

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why ?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

Doctor certificate ..cyber clinic

Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-

Dr. Impatient

Cyber Clinic

Old Man - joke

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

" I've never been better," the old man replied." I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then says, " Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun ".

The doctor continued, " So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him ."

That's impossible !" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.


" Exactly" Said the Doc

Bee

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and
Screaming in pain " Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: " Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: " You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: " No, you don't understand! I'll put some
Cream on the place you were stung."

MAN: " Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
Sitting under a tree."'

DOCTOR (in anger): " No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."

MAN (still screaming in pain): " On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
" Which one?"

MAN (innocently): " How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."