Jokes ..to bring little smile.

Boy: after our marriage..u promise me dat u wont ask for separate house for your own..

Girl: No dear, I am not like dat kinda gal..u can shift ur Mom to some other house..



"Rishta wahi..Soch nayi"



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Girl to her BF: Is week movie dekhenge..

nxt week shopping karenge..



BF: Uske nxt week mai mandir jayunga...

GF: woh kyu?

BF: Bheek mangne...



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A Woman was kidnapped ..

the kidnapper sent a piece of her finger to her Husband and demanded money.

Husband replied : " I want more proof..MUNDI bhejo MUNDI "



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Marwadi donates blood to an Arab, Arab gifts him a Ferrari.



Marwadi again donates him blood, but this time he gives him only 1 rupee.



Marwadi - Yeh kya hai?



Arab- Ab meri ragome tera khoon daud raha hai. :)))



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Husband : Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife : Why Three?

Husband : For you and your parents



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A Man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary & his wife did not speak to him for 3 months!



Was the necklace fake?



No,that was the Deal.



==================***********=============================



Sharabi-AAJ Tab tak piyenge

jab tak woh saamne wale 3

ped 6 nahi

dikhte

pub manager-saalon bas karo

saamne pehle se hi 1 ped hai



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dulha on marriage to dulhan"shadi se pahle tera koi boyfrnd tha kya?"

dulhan silent

dulha"is khamoshi ko main kya samzu?"

dulhan"Abe gin to lene de...."



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Sincere Friend....

A Sincere Friend...! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Alwayz be HAPPY :)

best friends..joke

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?'' And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.'' Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.'' Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!'' Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

almost married

Two old high school buddies get together at their class reunion. Having not seen each other for many years, the first guy asks, 'How have things been going?'

The second guy, speaking very slowly replied, 'I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.'

The first guy says in amazement, 'Hey, you don't stutter any more, that's great.'

The second guy replies, 'Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.'

The first guy congratulates him and then asks, 'What did you mean by you were almost married?'

'W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g s..t..a..r..t..e..d s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k, a..n..d s..o I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t a..f..t..e..r w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d, s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e. A..n..d t..h..e..n s..h..e s..l..a..p..p..e..d m..e a..n..d t..h..r..e..w t..h..e .r..i..n..g o..n t..h..e g..r..o..u..n..d.'

'Why would she do that? Wasn't she a romantic type?' asks the first guy.

'W..e..l..l, s..h..e w..a..s, b..u..t I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y t..h..a..t, b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s.'

religious boy friend and chemist father

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The Chemist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

'Well,' he said, 'I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's 'the' night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.'

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree.

He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.

The girl leans over and says, 'You never told me that you were such a religious person.'

He leans over to her and says, 'You never told me that your father is a Chemist.'

TV spoils friendship

How to select a girl to marry

How guys select the girl they want to marry


A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!



Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

Dosti mein darar....

After marriage, ek baar Ramu ka ex-roommate Shamu uske ghar usse Milne

Aata hai.Ramu and his beautiful bride Situ really took care of Shamu.




He decided to stay there for the night. So, Ramu setup a dari and






















bedsheet for him on the verandah floor.






















At this Shamu retorted, "khud bistar par aur mujhe zamin par?






















lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"






















So,Ramu pacified him and setup a bed for him.






















Shamu again retorted , "khud andar aur mujhe bahar? lagta






















hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"






















Ramu felt bad and set Shamu's bed in the drawing room.






















Shamu objected, "khud andar ac room main aur mujhe bahar






















garmi main? Ek waqt tha ki ham donon sote the ek hi kamre main!"!






















Ramu said that he was a married man now but Shamu again






















said, "lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"






















Ramu's bedroom could accomodate only a bed and a sofa, so






















Ramu setup Shamu in his bedroom on the sofa where the ac was fitted.






















After some time, Shamu woke up Ramu and said that he was






















uncomfortable on the lumpy sofa.






















At this, Ramu was very irritated and said,






















"Hadd ho gayi yar!! A line has to be drawn somewhere!"






















Shamu said, "Bas kya!! tu shadi ke baad ek dam badal gaya






















hai.lagta hai dosti main daraar aa gayi hai!"






















Ramu, the good soul that he was, relented and let Shamu






















sleep on the bed. His wife slept on the left side of the bed, himself






















in between and Shamu on the right.






















After some time Shamu again complained that he wanted to






















sleep in the middle of the bed as he kept falling off the bed when he changed sides.






















Ramu wailed, "This is too much, yaar! There is a limit to everything.. ."






















Shamu became very emotional and said, "Bas kya, you don't trust ME?!?






















lagta hai dosti main definitely daraar aa gayi hai!"






















Finally, good old Ramu gave in again, and let him old pesty






















pal sleep between him and his wife.






















In the morning, Shamu told Ramu, "Yaar, your wife is a very






















chalu lady. She held my tool all through the night !!!"






















Ramu quietly replied "That was me, and not my wife. I just had to do it!"...........
......

NAHI TO DARAAR ME DOSTI CHALI JAATI !!!!

Difference

Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language?

First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.

Friendship poem

My Friendship is like an onion,
Which has many layers in it,
it will add taste to your life,
but if you try to cut it,
you will have tears in your eyes.

* How girls use guys * with examples :)

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are you confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams come closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:



* % just a friend % *
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Sanjana??"
Sanjana: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph!).



* % Good Friend % *
You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that but I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Sanjana",
Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye"

(Sanjana eventually calls back after two days)
Sanjana: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".
Rahul: "Generally".

Sanjana: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."
Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.



* % Very good friend % *
Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl, she will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you and you are special to her.

Sanjana: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore and yesterday I saw him with another girl".
Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Sanjana : "My boyfriend."
Rahul: Oh! ok. :-(



* % Best Friend % *
You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you and don't be mistaken, You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun.

Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee Rahul, you pay. I am having fun.

Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.
Sanjana: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends

Rahul. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."
Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).



* % Best of the Bestest Friends % *
Ok now you are really special, You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything, Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl.

You take her around.
You make her project.
You do her assignments.
You are allowed to take her doggie around.
You can hold hands on the beach.
You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along).
But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 5 times the salary you earn and has a posh flat in an up class area.

Sanjana: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).
Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.



* % Boyfriend %*
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!

For all Rahul type guys? Make sure that you tell Sanjana about Mamta and about Maya? and about Tina also?

This will open Sanjana's eyes!!!!



Send it to boys to improve their Knowledge bank :)

Send it to girls who want to live in reality :)

Marriage

An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one
evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request
to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling,
Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years
and clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in
the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's
wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those
loving pet names' The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the
truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm
scared to death to ask her what it is!' :-)

11 Rules For Heathy Friendship

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more
painful is to love someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.




2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,
only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be
and you just have to let go.





3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with,
never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best
conversation you've ever had.





4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's
also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.





5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like
someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime
to forget someone.





6. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that
fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright.





7. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the
things you want to do.





8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,
it probably hurts the person too.





9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a
timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.





10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything
they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.



11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you
were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling
and everyone around you is crying.

FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY!!!!!!!!

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who
remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a
successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich
that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He
started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a
pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority
of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and
expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the
restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three
said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
....What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper
at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he
hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line
Mercedes from his three boyfriends. !!!!!!

Clever Girls

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"